Everytime one thing seems to get better, another has to fuck up all your happiness. Two people cannot be happy at one continuous, synchronized time. It is just not how to world works. Happiness is not tangible. And just like energy, it must be transferred from one person to another and those who have too much and are not an exception to the ideal social norm will be taken away of their happiness in some way.
My happiness has been made into materials and has sacrificed my free will to do what I want when I want. People say money can’t buy happiness, but sure it does transfer a little speck of this “energy”. Although, it is not enough to keep you satisfied. But love can buy you happiness. That is true. So much more happiness than a new outfit or a spending large amounts of cash. But love, in any shape or form, is hard to come by, and with all the dumbfucks and careless people of this world, there is a very small chance of coming across this pot of gold. We must satisfy this search for passion with infatuation, over things we are not really sure about. Is this really what I want? Or is it just a figment of what I am trying to find. Something that seems able to manipulate into the love that I am searching for. We use the materialistic love that is so easy to come by, to try and feed this infatuation, to get to the jackpot: what we are really trying to find. But because all of our energy, our happiness, is used on such pieces of bait, when we fail to catch the fish all we are left with is used and dull remnants of our efforts and must pick ourselves up, somehow, and regain some sort of “happiness” that we have lost in everything. Maybe it’s from sleep, drugs, or anything that is easy to come by; something that doesn’t have to use up all the rest of the little energy that is left of us.
I have no idea what to do these days. I try and make myself believe that once I get out into the world, in any situation, it is a chance for me to appreciate the life I am able to have. But in the end, all of these situations are just apart of my imagination and becoming nothing of what I expected. I expect, and am continuously disappointed. What’s the point? Coming from experience time and time again, I should know. Nothing will ever change here, I have fucked it all up too much. I need to leave.5 more months
Amen little sister
